i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
