And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
