I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
