The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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