Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
