I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
