whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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