Pants 0. Shit 1.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
