Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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