you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
