your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize