it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
