woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
