I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize