Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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