Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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