Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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