Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
