I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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