yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
