Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
