I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
smell my finger.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
