I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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