i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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