The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
