i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
