6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
