I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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