my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hippo gnu deer
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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