I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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