when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
