Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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