i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize