I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
