If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
