p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
