Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
