ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize