My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
