did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
