your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just high enough for therapy.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize