our cab driver is having phone sex.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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