You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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