you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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