My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
