ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
