i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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