You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
two words: eviction party
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
