Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
