sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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