I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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