I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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