So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
