Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
