he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
