I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
