Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
