You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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