my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
