Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
