He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
