Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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