that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
