I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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