So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
