And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
