I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
