Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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