If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
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Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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