Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
