im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize