If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize