This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
