I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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