During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
