East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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