Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
