i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
