I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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