Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
