do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
