I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
