we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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