Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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