didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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