I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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