All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize