Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
