Ambien. No doubt about it.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
