you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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