well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
